Relationship Conflict is a Good Thing

In my work, I love nothing more than being able to support people in building their ideal life and relationships.

I truly believe that most things we can hope for and envision are possible with time persistence support from others, and self-compassion.

Sometimes, though, someone will tell me one of their goals is to have no arguments in their relationship.

This makes me nervous.

I know that arguing with the person we love can be very upsetting. We want our relationships to be the place we go for love, rest, and recharging. Arguments can seem to create a host of negative feelings and distress.

No one likes feeling mad at their partner — and no one likes their partner being mad at them.

But if we didn’t have conflict in our relationships…

How would we grow?

How would we learn?

How would we know that we are in fact two distinctly different people with our own unique opinions, feelings, and needs–and hey that’s a good thing!

Conflict and a healthy relationship is inevitable — and good. It can also be uncomfortable, worrisome, frustrating, and isolating– isn’t life wonderfully complex?

Here’s the thing–there are ways to have a conflict with our partners that can actually create MORE GOOD in our lives and relationships.

When we use conflict to better understand ourselves, to learn about our partner, to let each other in instead of pushing each other away, we can experience so much growth and intimacy.

Our partner’s perspectives can improve our lives and ours theirs — and best of all just feeling understood and accepted (when both people are listening to each other) is, like, maybe the best feeling on the planet?

I’m here to tell you that if your conflict is escalating to a really painful place or you’re shutting each other out because it feels like you are speaking different languages — I see you. There is so much pain in these negative cycles.

But there are ways out. Ways to hear each other, To understand, to be close — and we want to help you get there.

Maybe you’ll never look forward to conflict, but maybe you’ll be able to face it with the confidence and security that you two will get through it like a team. Closer than before.